Sass N' Ass
by kendrickyoulittleshit
Summary: Chloe and Beca decide who has the better ass. Prompted by Liz's typo. Transferred from Tumblr.


**AN: I wrote this a while back based on Liz's typo in a post, and thought I'd move it from Tumblr to here. This is entirely Liz's fault. **

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"Chloe, I swear to God I'll give you twenty dollars right now if you tell Aubrey I'm too sick to perform."

"No."

"Twenty dollars and a mix."

"No."

"Twenty dollars, a mix, and Jesse as your personal assistant for the day."

"No."

"Twenty dollars, a mix-"

"Beca," Chloe said, stopping short and tugging her girlfriend to a halt beside her. Beca immediately began fidgeting with the hem of her tight uniform skirt. "You owe Aubrey an apology and you are going to put your big girl skirt on and go to this gig if it kills you."

"Why?" Beca whined.

"You deleted all of her alarm tones off her phone and replaced them with Skrillex," Chloe crossed her arms. "It was terrifying, and you should apologize."

"Fine," Beca grumbled, kicking at a pebble. "It was justified though."

"How so?!"

"She lectured me for a half hour about my bad posture, and then said that it was probably because all the metal in my ears gave in to gravity and was dragging my head down! She totally deserved it!"

Chloe fought back a grin before giving up and laughing at Beca's scowl. She linked their arms together and resumed walking down the sidewalk.

"Come on, cranky. Be nice to Aubrey and I'll buy you an ice cream."

"Yeah, yeah."

The two walked in companionable silence, Beca reaching down and lacing her fingers with Chloe's. They had nearly reached the rehearsal hall when the sound of an approaching car broke through their peaceful bubble.

"Shit," Beca muttered, looking over her shoulder at the approaching truck. "Bumper."

"Hey!" Bumper yelled from the bed of the truck as it came steadily closer.

"Ignore him," Chloe squeezed Beca's hand as he pulled up alongside them.

"Nice ass!" Bumper's laugh could be heard over the screeching tires as the truck sped away.

"What an idiot," Beca rolled her eyes and moved to walk into the rehearsal hall, stopped by Chloe's unmoving frame. "Chlo'?"

"Who do you think he was talking to?"

"What d'you mean?"

Chloe met Beca's gaze, frowning slightly in thought. "Which of us was he saying 'nice ass' to?"

"Uh…," Beca stared at Chloe as if she'd grown two heads. "Both of us?"

"Hm," Chloe chewed on her lip, finally walking into the building.

"Why?" Then, with an air of great discovery, Beca exclaimed, "You think it's you, don't you!"

"What?"

"You do! Admit it," Beca followed Chloe into the rehearsal space, grinning in disbelief. "You think you have a better ass than me."

Chloe shrugs. "I mean, I do work out and go to the gym and actually do my assigned cardio, unlike _others_."

"I do cardio!"

"Avoiding Jesse doesn't count."

"If it did, it would be at Olympic level, for damn sure," Beca muttered. "I can't believe you think your ass is better."

"It is! I'll prove it."

"How?"

"Come on," Chloe turned on her heel and walked over to the large mirror in the back of the room. "We'll compare."

"This is stupid," Beca groaned, following her girlfriend anyway.

"You're the one who's so hung up about it. Turn around," Chloe demanded once Beca reached her.

"Fine."

The two girls stood with their backs to the mirror, craning their necks over their shoulders. Chloe held her phone up and took a picture, the sound of the shutter drowned out by the entrance of the rest of the Bellas.

"And then I took the baby crocodile and I- Erm, what's uh, what's going on here?" Amy stopped in her tracks, looking at the other Bellas with barely repressed glee.

"Nothing," Beca flushed, grabbing at Chloe's phone.

"Chloe, what is this?" Aubrey stepped forward, narrowing her eyes in Beca's direction.

Chloe looked down at Beca and then shrugged. "We're trying to figure out who has the best ass."

"Aca-scuse me?"

"Oh, of course you are, right, that's normal," Cynthia Rose supplied.

"Bumper drove by and yelled 'nice ass' at us, and Beca got all butthurt about who had the better ass," Chloe grinned towards her mortified girlfriend.

"I did not," Beca hissed, her blush traveling down her neck as she stared at the floor.

"Well, who'd you decide?" Jessica piped in from her spot next to Ashley.

"As much as I hate to say this, I'm kind of curious too," Aubrey turned back to the couple.

"We didn't get a chance," Chloe said. "What do you guys think?"

"Oh my God, Chloe," Beca snapped her head up and widened her eyes at her.

"Hm," Stacie stepped forward, examining both of them. "Chloe has the better ass, but Beca has better tits."

"Oh my God," Beca whispered, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, you're right," Cynthia Rose nodded, standing next to the taller girl. "What Beca lacks in height she definitely has in-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Aubrey looked slightly revolted. "Now that we have that settled let's go over the setlist one more time."

As the rest of the girls gathered around their captain, Chloe and Beca brought up the rear, Beca's face still pink.

"I can't believe that just happened," Beca whispered between clenched teeth.

"Oh, admit it," Chloe smirked. At Beca's confused look, she leaned in and whispered, "You're just jealous that I have the better ass."


End file.
